Archive for the “Panic Attacks” Category

If you follow me on Twitter or frequent my blog, you know October was a long month here in Jerseymomma land.

Shortly after loosing the baby, I had 3 monster panic attacks that left me home-bound for almost the entire month.  If you’ve never had a panic attack, the concept of agoraphobia (or the fear to leave your house) probably sounds totally irrational.

However, for people with panic disorder, its an unfortunate way of life.  You become so fearful that another panic attack will happen in a place where you’ll either make a fool out of yourself or can’t get help, that you simply don’t leave the house until it passes.

The best way to describe it is 24/7 stage fright.  The minute you step out the front door, your knees go weak, your head spins, you get a knot in your stomach and feel as though you will physically drop dead if you go one step further.

Not only is this inconvenient, but its extremely frustrating and depressing as your reminded of all the stuff you could be/do if you weren’t dealing with panic disorder and the stigma of “mental illness”.

Thank God I have a wonderful husband and family that pampered the crap out of me until I was somewhat back on my feet.  I treated myself as though I had the flu all month long, getting plenty of rest and not pushing myself beyond what I was capable of for that day.

I also tried to be patient with myself, as I was dealing with a lethal combination of post-pregnancy hormones and grief- which probably made things 100 times worse than normal.

Likewise, I decided to give anxiety medication another shot,  which i’m sure is helping too.  I’m trying Lexapro for the first time ever and there’s always my good friend and confidant, Xanax.

I’ve gotten pretty serious with the spiritual side of this too, as I have refused to let fear stop me this past week and pressed through even on my worst days.  If the Bible is true (as I like to believe it is), then I have authority over this thing and fear has to get under my feet.  Its up to me, however, start walking in that authority and “do it afraid” until I’m able to finally beat this thing all together.

So at least things are looking up this week and I’ve been out-and-about,  but its been one rough month.  The pain of the miscarriage is finally starting to subside, but the experience took such a toll on my mind and emotions that i’ll be cleaning up the after effects for quite some time.