My D&C was on Thursday morning, October 2nd.  I was pretty nervous but held myself together until the doctor came in the little prep room and began to talk about the procedure.

I cried from the minute he said hello and straight into the operating room.  And apparently, it didn’t stop there.  I started crying again as soon as I opened my eyes in recovery and asked for the doctor because I wanted to know what they did with my baby.  And while it was a breeze physically, it was a lot harder than I could have ever imagined emotionally.

For the next two days I was a little crampy and out-of-sorts, but for the most part, OK.  Mentally, however, I’ve been on a roller coaster.  I have a feeling that the pregnancy hormones still in my body have something to do with this- as well as the sheer grief of loosing a baby.

For example, I’ve been waking up out of a sound sleep in a full blown panic attack- to the point I have to physically get up and take my anxiety medicine because I can’t catch my breath and feel like I’m going to die.

During the day I feel jittery- like my mind and body are racing 100 miles an hour and I can’t shut them off.  Sometimes I am numb and other times I bawl my eyes out thinking about the awful things I said when I first learned of the pregnancy.

It’s been a roller coaster to say the least. 

But I thank God that I still have my beautiful baby boy to love and can’t imagine what It feels like for mothers who deal with this for years only to find out they can’t have kids anyway.  It must be an absolute nightmare physically and emotionally.

Bottom line, I’m hangin’ in there. 

(Oh and I’m still trying to figure out what the heck I’m supposed to do with the $500 bag of beautiful maternity clothes I just bought from Destination Motherhood that had a 10 day return policy.)

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 5th, 2008 at 3:44 pm and is filed under Pregnancy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.