So it’s been exactly 1 week since my unplanned pregnancy was confirmed via internal exam. I’m still very much in denial and have only told close friends and family (oh yeah, and the whole blogosphere).
My emotions have been very up in the air with this one. When I found out about Jake, I was nervous, but excited. This time around I find myself crying at the thought of having a 2 kids only 16 months apart. The words “I can’t do this” and “I just didn’t want another baby right now” have escaped out of my mouth more than once in the past week.
Now I realize how wrong that is. The baby didn’t ask to be born– and the timing issue is my own fault. I just still can’t help this overwhelming sadness that keeps coming on me regarding the whole thing.
I also realize that i’m pregnant, emotional and stressed out from all of the other drama that is my life, so im hoping with time that I’ll be more accepting of our new bundle of joy.
But today, as my 9 month old won’t sleep and cries all night because his teeth hurt and I can’t even see straight because im throwing up all day and we are barely back on our feet financially, I can’t help but feel distant this time around.
Even seeing these thoughts put to paper (er, blog) makes me feel like a horrible mother. Of course I will love this baby and make due, but i’m sad about it and can’t seem to shake these early baby blues.
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